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Monologue #4

In the midst of cold hazy breeze
Your embrace is my favorite source of heat
Every friction of you is wonderful
Even your hands are rough as sand dunes

The way your palm run through my skin
How slickly your love pampered my delicate sin
Even my body is shaking with fear
Still, you are my favorite form of catastrophe

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Monologue #3

We’re naturally born “unique”, and we can do something “extraordinary”. But to be  “unusual” is  exceptional. What are things makes us unusual? I have no idea. However, All I know is being unusal is absolute, not for all but for the few who look deeper to you.

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She’s no longer inlove with youΒ 

The ecstacy of love was the reason why she kept holding on before

She too dumb fighting for you

Believing one way or somehow you change

Prolonging her patience with your stuborness

She’s keeping herself low-key with non-sense arguments

Playing non-chalant in every careless words you’ve said

Holding back her tears after you chat her off

She’s putting aside her intuition

She’s dodging the bullets of cheats

She’s swallowing her pride and your sweet lies

She’s making herself blind not to see your vices

She’s martyr per say

But one night, from her long crawl of sadness — she took a glance to look at the mirror

Sought her own reflection tired and blue

Her eyes are burned from long sober

Her skin was dried like a petal of white rose unwatered

She realized that she lost her soul

Her beauty and her grace

And now the pang of tiredness shivering throughout her body

The coldness embracing her heart

“The time has come….” she said on her mind

“All I want is someone to love me back” she added while a single tear flowing through her delicate cheek

She picked up the phone and send a reply

“I’m leaving you not to set you free, but to emancipate myself from the slavery of your love. I don’t deserve you and you don’t deserve me.”

With no assurance, she geared up herself to embrace positivity when the dusk come.

And now, you kneeling on the ground begging her to come back

But she said “Enough! I’m done.”

Her heart is not that slick for you unlike before, your new sweet dispositions never occur to her

You ignoring her love and efforts

And now she’s rejecting you without being relentless

Frustrated? That is the aftertaste of your being insensitive

The feeling of unappreciated and unwanted ~~ it hurts

She’s no longer inlove with you

You are nothing now

Nothing…

Because the best way for her to be happy is letting herself go from you

Because you are a living hell

A boy who puts someone hearts into burden.

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QVS Random

You saved me 

May I call you my great messiah?

Who saved me from nightmare of past

That turn my pain into hope

You let me shed into your home 

That only few can make through on your comfort zone

May I consider myself lucky? By the way 

You turn my melancholy into non-chalant

And you taught me again to breathe the bliss

And get a perfect space to fits and live with peace

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The “Whys?”

I’m just done watching My Ex and Whys .(Our Local Movie here in Philippines  – if you mind to watch it eventually, search it with english subtitles) Even though I’m not kind of person who patronized clichΓ©  filipino movies, I can’t also deny that few of them somehow a little brilliant on different horizon.

My Ex and Whys  depicts obviously all about a second time around, a conflict get cleared between former lovers that eventually getting back in the end ( happy endings LoL ). But mostly it’s all about a promise you abode but failed to commit. Taking risk to trust again – Broken promises in short. But the things really caught me and get me into a tearjerking state was the line – a questions lingering by the main character, who suffering from pain of dishonesty and cheating. A questions about what things she miss or insufficient to exert. And a questions why she need to suffer with those pain? To point it affects the way she lived and perceived.
You know, I’m actually on that present state (kind of) – many questions buggling me through my head and a little intution. In my case, although I’ve had enough with him already, accepted the reality, and forgave him to things  he’d done to me ( even though he never say sorry to me. Well,idk if he’s playing non-chalant or naive or just an ordinary f*ckboy ) I’m still asking myself why he need to do that to me? I just want to spill out the beans and ask many things but I don’t know how to begin. It’s not easy on my part – I’m still in pain every time I see him, feeling his presence on my premises , and hearing his name spoken by somebody.

But the movie taught me as well that instead asking yourself different questions, don’t look the answer that it will just hurt you or not – but live like the answer just always in front of you. Live because you are the answer. Because we are the better half of somebody – a missing chunk of ones life.

Because of that,I’m sound pity but I believe time heal me, little by little. And somehow worthy to my heart and trust.

He is ideal, the one I was dreaming about, my ideal type of relationship and I though that would be – but he just tore it. He demobilized my perfect fantasy and he turn it into surreality. Bad. Oh well, I don’t need to think about it anymore (I guess). But I know, I’m a good sport I keen myself in good disposition in all circumstances.

I’m okay. I know that – it’s time to “REALLY” let him go. Thank You my ex and whys (drama..).

Just last word. Don’t afraid to be hurt again.